Post by Lady Elessar on Dec 4, 2003 18:26:31 GMT -5
Q: What's a pirate's favorite kind of cookie?
A: Ships ahoy.
Q: What does a pirate say when he takes over Santa's job?
A: Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Q: How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A: A buccaneer.
Q: what did the pirate say to the pretty girl?
A: Yo, ho.
So there's this Pirate with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the pirate who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then he gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran pirate blush. At that point, he is so mad that he throws it into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. By the way, what did the chicken do?"
A pirate captain walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender looks up from the counter and says: "Hey! What is a steering wheel doing in your pants?" To this, the pirate captain replies: " Arr! It's driving me nuts!"
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poo!" "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
Q: How did the pirate stop smoking?
A: He used the patch!
Q: What's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?
A: ARRRRRgyle.
Q: What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
A: StARRRRRRRRRve.
Q: Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
A: It's rated AARRRRGGH!
Q: Why was the movie rated Arr?
A: BECAUSE OF ALL THE BOOTY!
Q: What do a pimp and a pirate have in common?
A:They both say yo ho!
Q:What lays at the bottom of the ocean and quivers?
A:A nervous wreck.
Q:What kind of car does a pirate drive?
A:A cutlass.
Once there was a tricky pirate working his deceptions on the crewmembers of his ship. Since many of the crew frequently lost their lives, the tricky pirate had a new audience nearly every week, so he could play the same tricks over and over. But there was a snag to the tricky pirate's wily ways. The captain's parrot saw each performance week after week and eventually caught on to how they were performed. From then on, when the pirate was doing his tricks, the parrot began blurting out the secrets behind them. "The coin is in his other hand!" "The rabbit's under the table!" "All the cards are the ace of hearts!" The tricky pirate was fuming, but he couldn't do a thing. After all, it was the captain's parrot spoiling all his fun. One fateful day, rats burrowed through the hull and the ship sank. The tricky pirate found himself floating on a peice of wood in the middle of the ocean. Ironically, the parrot was sharing the same peice of wood. They stared at eachother in extreme disgust, but did not say a thing. This went on for a couple of days until the parrot finally, "I give up. Where's the ship?"
Q:How is a soprano like a pirate?
A: They're both murder on the high Cs.
Thats hilarious! Lol. I like joke about the pirate with the, patch, wooden leg and hook. Hahahaha.
