A few of my poems....

[Elentari]

In the past couple years I've decided to try writing some poetry and I want to get some feedback from anyone who wishes to read them. Don't worry if you don't like them just tell me because thats why I am posting them, I want to see what other people think....THANKS!

[Elentari]

Dream of glory and doom

As the fog rolled in
The end was at hand,
You could see it on the faces
Of each and ev’ry man.

The land was scarred and strewn
With remnants of the war,
Yet still they fought on
With beast, bow and sword.

Lea was strong as any man
As she rode her noble steed,
She would not give up hope
‘Till all her man were freed.

Their swords clashed strong
Their arrows flew true,
And they heard voices saying,
“They’re too much for you”.

The strain was all too fierce
It was like their last breath,
But the enemy fought hard,
They could not give up yet.

The men then turned
And jumped with hostile fright;
The leader of their enemy
Had now joined in the fight.

They glanced at their leader
But now she couldn’t speak,
There was nothing they could do,
The new enemy made them weak.

Then all was still and tranquil,
As the two leaders prepared.
They both stood their ground,
With hatred in their glare.

It seemed longer than eternity
As both stood there aghast,
Because they now knew
This fight could be their last.

Their swords were drawn,
With the strain of the sea.
Their eyes burned hot,
-fire waiting to be free.

Then the fight began,
Yet not one word was spoke.
The fighters moved so fast
It seemed that they would smoke.

In the blink of any eye
Destiny was sealed.
It was painful to all;
The sharp ring of steel.

For she had rushed for the kill
Knowing what it would cost,
Because he struck her too,
And both their lives were lost...

“Your majesty, you majesty”,
Came the shrill cry.
“Wake up, wake up,
The army’s arrived!”

Lea rolled out of bed
Fully drenched in sweat,
Her nightmare had filled her
With fear and dread.

Yet she still longed to see
Her brother safe at home.
For the war had lasted long,
And she had missed him so.

When she got down the stairs
She was frozen in place;
The prince in her father's arms,
Had blood upon his face.

The story was told
Of their fear and fight,
How her brother had saved them all,
By giving up his life.

It was then that Lea knew
And it filled her with fright;
Her dream had been more
Than just a dream that night...

[SwordBound]

I like it! A nice little storyline to it, works well. The only thing is that the rhythm seems either a little off or a little forced, but other than that it seems pretty good and the rhyming doesn't seem forced (just used when it comes naturally, and that's a good thing). So thumbs up

[Elentari]

thanks I really appretiate it.
Here is another one I dug up...
Floating
There’s magic in the air on this night.
Can’t you feel it glide on the wind?
Flying past eyes unopen,
Waiting for someone new.
Can’t make up its mind
Till it can find
What it needs
The one...
You...