Post by Kamiri (Ianthe) on Aug 16, 2005 18:33:35 GMT -5
This came from a character I play on a Harry Potter forum.
Hope it's ok...
A little background so it makes sense:
The narrator is a student who has moved to Hogwarts after an accident involving both her and her sister. Before this, she lived at the dragon reserve in Romania with her brother, twin sister and her father, her mother having left when she was two. She is a phoinos, which is like a phoenix, but looks like a human. While being taught occlumency by her mother (an unknown fact to most of the school) this memory surfaces.
She could remember the accident vividly – every single detail was etched into her mind, although she’d told her father she couldn’t remember, so she wouldn’t have to talk about it. She tried to forget it, but every now and then, it would come into her mind, as crystal clear as the day itself.
~~ It was early evening, and they’d been playing the game of quidditch for almost an hour and a half. She and Antyet were both seekers, and were enjoying themselves, feinting and swerving to try and trick each other into a race across the pitch.
The glint of gold had been sudden, and their reactions simultaneous. They had both darted after it, climbing higher and higher; leaning forward with the cool air streaking their matching mahogany hair out behind them. They were neck and neck, identical hands stretched out, reaching. Oh yes, she knew how flying felt…
…And how it felt to fall, to feel that sudden rush of heat engulfing you, both of you. Knew the sound of hair and twigs crackling with flame, as the broom beneath you disintegrated into charred splinters. The scream of Antyet; your sister; your best friend; the glimpse of her burning body through the smoke as the fire ate her alive…
…Then there was the fall itself; the fantastic rush of air past your face. It was as though you were free and light as a bird, drifting, almost asleep, but at the same time, with the terrible feeling of ‘wrongness’ in your stomach, as you understood with horrifying clarity that this wasn’t supposed to be happening – it wasn’t human. You looked below you, and saw the ground drawing closer, and although it can only have taken a few seconds, time seems to slow, so that you have been falling for eternity.
And then there is the impact. And the pain… the agonizing pain as bones shatter, and muscles snap and stretch out of place, and you can’t think it hurts so much… and then comes the black, and quiet, and calm, and you give in to it, because you don’t want to know that the lump of charred flesh lying less than ten meters from you is…was…your sister; your twin…and should be you.~~
Hope it's ok...
A little background so it makes sense:
The narrator is a student who has moved to Hogwarts after an accident involving both her and her sister. Before this, she lived at the dragon reserve in Romania with her brother, twin sister and her father, her mother having left when she was two. She is a phoinos, which is like a phoenix, but looks like a human. While being taught occlumency by her mother (an unknown fact to most of the school) this memory surfaces.
She could remember the accident vividly – every single detail was etched into her mind, although she’d told her father she couldn’t remember, so she wouldn’t have to talk about it. She tried to forget it, but every now and then, it would come into her mind, as crystal clear as the day itself.
~~ It was early evening, and they’d been playing the game of quidditch for almost an hour and a half. She and Antyet were both seekers, and were enjoying themselves, feinting and swerving to try and trick each other into a race across the pitch.
The glint of gold had been sudden, and their reactions simultaneous. They had both darted after it, climbing higher and higher; leaning forward with the cool air streaking their matching mahogany hair out behind them. They were neck and neck, identical hands stretched out, reaching. Oh yes, she knew how flying felt…
…And how it felt to fall, to feel that sudden rush of heat engulfing you, both of you. Knew the sound of hair and twigs crackling with flame, as the broom beneath you disintegrated into charred splinters. The scream of Antyet; your sister; your best friend; the glimpse of her burning body through the smoke as the fire ate her alive…
…Then there was the fall itself; the fantastic rush of air past your face. It was as though you were free and light as a bird, drifting, almost asleep, but at the same time, with the terrible feeling of ‘wrongness’ in your stomach, as you understood with horrifying clarity that this wasn’t supposed to be happening – it wasn’t human. You looked below you, and saw the ground drawing closer, and although it can only have taken a few seconds, time seems to slow, so that you have been falling for eternity.
And then there is the impact. And the pain… the agonizing pain as bones shatter, and muscles snap and stretch out of place, and you can’t think it hurts so much… and then comes the black, and quiet, and calm, and you give in to it, because you don’t want to know that the lump of charred flesh lying less than ten meters from you is…was…your sister; your twin…and should be you.~~
You're really good with imagery. What i meant to say before is, you write better about this topic than Rowling does.