The Never-Ending Cycle

[Xyloe]

So... Minya told me to post my poems on this. Here's one.. I guess it explains itself.

The Never-Ending Cycle

I don’t know how to explain how I feel;
All this pain over such a petty thing.
Let me try to explain:

A thousand knives piercing your heart,
Stab after stab, one at a time,
Suffocating from your lack of breath,
Drowning in your own pool of blood,
All inflicted by yourself.
You think “What’s wrong with me?”,
“What did I do? Where did I go wrong?”,
But all you have to show is a gaping hole,
In the middle of your chest.
You know you’re not attractive, nor perfect,
Though you know your heart is kind,
Yet no one cares about feelings or even,
About personality anymore.
You become a desperate, lonely soul,
You seek out advice from those you trust,
They fool you, and betray you,
You were too naïve.
Trying to escape from this spherical circuit,
With no off switch or way to stop the cycle,
Like a never-ending merry-go-round,
Back to where you began.
A thousand knives piercing your heart,
Stab after stab, one at a time,
Suffocating from the lack of breath,
Drowning in your own pool of blood,
All inflicted by yourself.

[Xyloe]

Here's another one... I don't like it as much as the first though.

Broken Glass

I couldn’t escape my feelings,
I tried so hard to make them go away.
But my heart would no let go,
So a glass shell encasing my heart I made.

My heart turned cold, frozen in its shell,
Yet it was thawed by your warm smile.
Your deep blue eyes cracked its shell,
So I let you in to stay for a while.

I told myself it could never be,
I tried to protect my heart
Yet you were able to slip through,
You made this pain restart.

I’ve been through this time after time,
I try to avoid it, trying to escape it too.
There is always that hope though,
That you will love me as I love you.

Now as my heart is ripped to shreds,
And my blood-stained glass shattered,
I remind myself that next time,
To not encase my heart in broken glass.

[Minya Collowen]

Nice I can relate

[SwordBound]

Yeah, they're deep too. Well, at least to me. I do like them by the way.

[Xyloe]

Thank you Minya and Swordbound! I'm glad you guys can understand my poems.

[Calenfalathiel]

awww, the first one made me sad, in a good, poetry type of way...

[Xyloe]

Thanks for all the comments! Wowzers... I haven't posted anything in a long while. Writer's block or nothing decent enough of posting. Better post this one I just read before I consider it not worthwhile.

Daydreamer

Set in a trance of bliss,
Content with the world.
This heavenly creation imagined,
Keep dreaming, daydreamer.

Surround yourself with friends,
Smile happily in perfection.
This can't get any better,
And then the lights fade.

Scenes grow dark and cold,
No stage directions what to do.
Problems arise with no end,
And your world comes crashing down.

Lost alone in the moors,
Not another soul in sight.
Just the ruins left of a once perfect world,
Silent and transparent are the tears shed.

Demolished and destroyed,
You manage a fake smile.
Convince yourself nothing is wrong,
Find your isle of security.

Come on daydreamer, just keep pretending,
Everything is all right.
So put on those rose-colored glasses,
And see the world as it should be.

[Minya]

*gasp* alliteration! you have alliteration! yay! yay! yay! yay! yay! :bounce:

[Calenfalathiel]

wow, that last one, Daydreamer, it was really good! I loved the imagery and the overall message!

[Xyloe]

Thank you Minya and Calenfathiel. heh. Yes, alliteration!

Here's a story/letter I wrote. It's not actually mine, more so it is written from a girl to her ex. Some of it is half true for me, yet it is also half fiction that I have not experienced before. Here it goes.

As I try to relax, breathe, and take it all in, I soak in a tub full of water and white foam. I scoop up a handful of the airy bubbles, and reminisce of my childhood. When things were simpler. I sigh and exhale into the mountain of froth and watch the bubbles float on air, then slowly sink back to the water’s surface. My limb still frozen, I see my bare, wet hand. The hand that once wanted to hold yours. I continue up my forearm, and notice a distinct scar. The scar from that one fourth of July, standing in my backyard, gazing at the fireworks with you. I carelessly glanced over, and noticed your beauty, only enlightened and illuminated by the bright, bursting, colored light. Breath-taken, I dropped the blazing sparkler I was holding. It hurt intensely, yet your bright, aqua eyes instantly dulled the pain. But that scar is not the kind I suffer now. I sit, still soaking, and I wish things could go back to the way they were. When I was living in my fantasy. Not necessarily my perfect world, but still somewhat happy. When we could talk about anything. When we could laugh and joke around. When you didn’t mind me calling you and talking for two hours, even though you despised the telephone. When I would flirt, and you would flirt back. When I didn’t know about her. It’s hard for me to see you smiling now, and not help but smile back. Even though I realize you are smiling about her, laughing with her, then faintly looking up and glancing at my fake shell. And then your eyes return to hers. And I know that I can never be her. I can never be what you want. I’m really a hopeless romantic at heart, an optimist in mind, and a dreamer through my eyes. But now I’m desperate, pessimistic, and teary-eyed. This is the kind of thing that brings me back to reality. I’m sick of feeling numb. I know the pain is there, and it frustrates me that I can’t even feel that. I can only feel a vacant hole. A void where a heart should be. I struggle to breathe. I don’t know why I’m so upset. This has happened many times before. Why should this time be any different? Even though I claim not to know the answer, I do. You were one who was the closet to perfection. You were the one who listened to me. You were the one who understood me. You were the one who made me laugh, even when I was down. You were the one who surpassed all the rest. You were the one who made me forget about the last one and the ones before him. And now this feeling is gone. I don’t know where to turn. I feel vulnerable. Like a lost child without a home. And even so, I am happy. The brightness is back on your pale face. The azure has been restored to your once slate gray eyes. And you’re happy. A true expression I have not seen on your face in such a long time. I had wished to see it for so long. Just I had hoped not this way. But I am glad to be able to see it again, even if it is because of her instead of me. I wish not to scold you, nor ask you why you are doing this to me, but to wish you luck. It may be hard for me, so I hope that you will give me time to deal. I am trying my best not to appear bitter. Nor jealous. I truly am happy for you. And I want you to know that. To not doubt me for even a second. I value what we have, and had, more than anything. So I leave you with my best regards, my friendship, and my best wishes. As I sigh and slowly slip my head under the water.

[Xyloe]

Vietnam, communism, and cold war echo in my head. I sit in a dull, beige classroom with stained carpet and stiff desks. I look up at the chocolate colored board and read the white writing. "Identity." My mind wanders from history, to psychology, to myself. "Identity." What is it? Who am I now? I'm not the same since you lfet me. I'm cold, I hardly laugh anymore. Laughing. Something I used to be able to do for hours on end. I would laugh until I couldn't breathe. Until my sides hurt. Mostly because of you. I look up at the ticking clock, realizing I passed you in the hall only half an hour ago. Fifteen more minutes until I see you again. Will this encounter be like the last? I saw you, and you smiled. I smiled back. I looked around, wondering where she was. Bust she was not in my view. You gave a slight nod and I gave a polite wave as you turned into another hall. Even though I continued straight down my path, I followed you with my eyes. I hoped you would look back and see me, and cause you to forget about her. But instead, she came into view. You smiled and put your arm around her as she smiled back at you. I looked forward again, then focused on the dreary tile floor. I remember when I was that girl. I wish that I was still that girl. The girl who made you laugh. The girl who made you smile. The girl you would wrap your arm around. The girl you would hold hands with. The girl you would kiss gently on the head because she was shorter than you. The girl who made you happy. But I am no longer that girl. And then the bell rings.

[Xyloe]

And one last part for today...

As I walk through these crowded halls, being controlled mechanically by routine, I see two girls screaming. One is overly excited, the other telling the first to calm down. I look down at the floor, seeing numerous shoes walking in the same direction as I am. I think about what’s happening. I feel like she’s changing you. We used to be able to joke around, even when you and her became a couple. But now you only smile when you know she’s going to be nearby. As if you’re trying to say “I’m happy with her.” I understand that. But your warmth is gone when she is not around. Only yesterday, I finished a lesson early in typing class. I walked through the bare halls to the band room. Not to be suspicious, I still came. I used to come just to see you. You and your smile. But I don’t want you to know that. Just think that I come to actually practice, even though I rarely do. I walk into the dim-lighted room, as my ears are filled with sounds of music. I sigh as I instantly felt more relaxed, I was in my environment. I set my bookbag down, and I asked what song you were playing. Rustic Dance. An easy enough song for me. No keyboards involved. I play bass drum. You play snare. I adjusted the bass drum to fit my height, and I made an attempt to make a joke. An attempt to see you smile. An attempt to hear you laugh. But all I received was a “Calm the eff down.” I acted like this hadn’t bothered me much. You returned your eyes to the sheet of music, as I looked down at the muddy orange carpet and took a deep breathe. I was just trying to make you laugh… You always got my jokes before. I know I have an odd sense of humor. But you used to share it with me. You used to be the first person to laugh when no one else did. Now, you’re the last. You don’t look at me the same either. Not even the same after our breakup, but before her. You still had warmth in your eyes. You still looked in my eyes. Now, you hardly ever look at me. Even when you’re talking to me. Your eyes wander now. It’s like you are entranced by her. She is your siren, and I am only an admirer, asking you not to go towards the song. I take a left in the hallway. I can see the door. But I still wonder what went wrong. What happened to us? We used to be so happy. We could finish each other’s sentences. We could laugh at each other in our worst moments. We could go somewhere and not care what others thought. We used to love each other. I remember when you first told me. You told me before I told you. I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid you didn’t feel the same. I was over at your house. We had just came inside. You had been skateboarding, I was watching. You sat your board down, as we both took off our shoes. We sat down on your blue sofa, and tried to warm ourselves from the outside’s chilly night. You looked as if you were in deep thought, so I asked you what you were pondering. You turned off the television we had left turned on. You looked through my eyes, and found my heart. You faced me, and simply said “I love you.” And then you kissed me. “Christin? Christiiiiin??” I look up and see your face.

[Minya Collowen]

awww yet again, a very good write! I really liked that last one.

[Xyloe]

Yay! Minya likes my story! ;D hehe. Thank you.

Here's a song I wrote. 'Tis better with the melody that's stuck in my head. hehe

Transparency

Climbing out my window late at night
I let the wonders in my mind take flight
I gaze at the stars with much delight
And wish for you with all my might

I am
Transparent
Why can’t you just see?
Transparent
You look right through me.
Transparent
Is this all I’ll ever be?
Transparent
Transparency

When did my daydream become a blur?
I remember how happy we once were
Now I glance and see you holding her
This girl you have come to prefer

I am
Transparent
Why can’t you just see?
Transparent
You look right through me.
Transparent
Is this all I’ll ever be?
Transparent
Transparency

You’ve hurt me, I cannot take the pain
But somehow, I can’t get you off my brain
Emotions are rushing through my veins
But this is driving me insane

I am
Transparent
Why can’t you just see?
Transparent
You look right through me.
Transparent
Is this all I’ll ever be?
Transparent
Transparency

What am I supposed to do?
Can’t get myself over you
Won’t keep trying to pursue
Hope I can get through to you

I see you; you’re heading down my way
I should try my best to stay away
I tell my stubborn heart to obey
But there’s so much I need to say

Transparent, like water of the sea
Transparent, like the coolness of a breeze
Transparent, like the time I can’t see
Transparent, what you’ve become to me
Transparency.

[Minya Collowen]

I think that's your first song right? lol I'm not sure, but it's nice